Same Script Different Cast

Same Script Different Cast(part 1)

Same Script Different Cast(part 1)

For my cousin Nyaruai Gitonga and my Uncle Mwai



Your mom gets home one evening and tells you to open
that Facebook thing and find a controversial video that your cousin has posted.
Wait, what? You’re confused. Controversial? Like Kim Kardashian controversial?
You don’t have Facebook on your phone because you decided it’s for lame people
and creepy Indian dudes. However, you really want to see this video. Screw any
notions you had about Facebook. You sign up and open an account.


Your cousin is easy to find. Her page is under her
actual name. Nyaruai Gitonga. PS I still don’t get why people go through the
trouble of coming up with “cool” names for social media. Princess Pwetty peng
ting and guess what honey, you still have 104 followers and 2 likes. You scroll
almost frantically through her page ignoring everything else looking for that
one video which you never found or you did find but there was nothing “controversial”
about it.


Watching a video of my cousin balling her eyes out in
front of a bunch of strangers on Facebook definitely wasn’t on my bucket list.
I mean, now that I think about it, if it was a game of truth or dare I would
have probably made her do that because I’m crazy like that. Unfortunately this
was no game. I was finding out with the rest of Facebook (make that three weeks
after everyone else) that my cousin was depressed and contemplating suicide.


Nyaruai of all people! Hell naah…. She’s tall, pretty,
eloquent, nice eyes, great smile… Duuude I’m not even exaggerating. She could
bag a twenty five year old at fifty. Plus she has a master’s degree and her
folks are loaded. Makes absolutely no sense right? How you could have all that
(beauty and brains) and still have suicide as a forethought.


Oh wait a minute… I’m pretty and smart too (not trying
to sound cocky.) And guess what? Yeah you guessed right you little sadist, I’m
depressed too. I mean, not right now. I’m writing. It’s 3am. Depressed me
wouldn’t be caught dead writing shit (kids excuse my French) about nothing.


You don’t leave your bed for a week unless you’re
going to pee or get more food to stuff your face. If it were up to you, you’d
move your freaking bathroom and kitchen into your bedroom. You don’t draw the
curtains, showering is off your list and as for your teeth… well, you couldn’t
care less. It’s not like you’re going to kiss anyone anyway, you’ve isolated
yourself from everyone.


You spend an entire week deciding which would be the most painless way to kill yourself. You don’t want blood. That would be too traumatizing for your mom, she couldn’t handle walking into a room and finding you in a pool of blood. Pills sound like a good idea but they might pump your stomach and you end up surviving. You don’t like the sound of that. You’d be labelled a freak, your neighbors would keep their kids away from you. Your pious auntie would probably suggest they take you to the pastor because you’re possessed. Your entire family would be ashamed of you, but of course they’d never say it to your face they’d discuss you over phone calls and in WhatsApp groups. So no pain, no blood and no pills. Even for death you still set the bar high.


But that could never be you, right? Of course, because
that was me at sixteen. That is what my first episode of depression looked
like. I had no idea what to call it then. I tried to hide it but I think my mom
noticed, she never asked though. I don’t fault her. She probably had no idea
what it was either. I think it’s safe to agree that anyone who watched The Bold
and The Beautiful and listens to Maina and King’ang’i is not wired to handle
modern problems. (Do you see why we need to talk mental health?)


Hey I’m really trying to make this story about
depression not sound depressing. How am I doing so far?  Did you say fantastic? Awesome. Moving on


Seeing my cousin breakdown on the internet in front of
a bunch of strangers hurt. Yeah, we’re back to my cousin again. Still
following? Of course you are. It hurt not just because I had no idea what she
was going through but also because it resonated so much with me. If the roles
were reversed and I was the one on Facebook she’d have been shocked too (friends
and family alike.) So yeah, her story (suffering in silence) is my story. Same
script different cast.

This is a safe space, feel free to share your own experience and comment.


Join the discussion and tell us your opinion.

May 12, 2020 at 10:40 pm

Candid and’s beautiful ❤️❤️

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 9:42 am
– In reply to: MUKHWANA THOMAS

Tom… Thank you ❤❤

May 12, 2020 at 11:34 pm

Wooow…. I’m speechless…. 👌👌Very true and I like it😊

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 9:43 am
– In reply to: Njueni

Hey late night chatting buddy. 😊😊thank you for dropping by❤

May 13, 2020 at 5:19 am

I’m glad you’re back, we’ve missed you and this was a great way to start, I could totally relate💋

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 9:41 am
– In reply to: Ashley

First person I found with similar issues. It felt so good knowing I wasn’t alone. Thank you sweetheart ❤

May 13, 2020 at 5:30 am

Mental Health is a subject that we as humans tend to deviate from. Your words resonate with many but the idea of seeking help put simply, is improbable.

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 9:31 am
– In reply to: Wicky

Couldn’t agree more… The stigma that comes with seeking help discouraged many. I’m here to make noise on this subject maybe I’ll be loud enough and people will start listening and understanding not judging.
Also, hey Wycliffe 😊

May 13, 2020 at 5:58 am

More pls😭😍😍

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 9:31 am
– In reply to: Noni

😂😂Sit tight sweetheart. Thank you for dropping by 😘

May 13, 2020 at 6:17 am

Good job in your execution. Mustn’t have been easy but you said it all very fluidly. Thank you for your writing

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 9:34 am
– In reply to: Godfather

I try…😊 and yes it was hard but we need to have this conversation. Thank you for your kind words 😚

Wambui Katereply
May 13, 2020 at 6:34 am

Beautiful and eye opening. ..❤💖

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 9:34 am
– In reply to: Wambui Kate

Thank you Katherine ❤

Mary Njerireply
May 13, 2020 at 8:51 am

I am so glad you are back. You should see how excited I got. This was so beautifully written and I can’t wait for part two.
Please be consistent. For me at least ( how bold of me to think I am this important). Anyway girl, I love it. Keep writing. Please.

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 9:39 am

😂Girl quit playing you know you’re important . You were here from the very beginning when I thought writing about a boy crush was too exposing. I’ll be consistent I promise. ❤❤thank you.

May 13, 2020 at 10:18 am

Wow..i love your approach of the topic and yees mental health is important for one to live wholesomely and enjoy life.

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 11:05 am
– In reply to: Fay

Hey!!!Thank you for dropping by ❤❤

Njambi Raguireply
May 13, 2020 at 11:25 am

This is super amazing girl..How you have managed to bring it all out ,amazing

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 1:40 pm
– In reply to: Njambi Ragui

Aaaw thank you Liz ❤

May 13, 2020 at 11:46 am

Talking about mental health can give us freedom to seek help, find people who can relate, and move toward well-being..this so inspiring ♥️

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 1:39 pm
– In reply to: Duncan

Couldn’t agree more. Thank you so much ❤

Sylvia Whamreply
May 13, 2020 at 12:40 pm

Depression is a natural escape. It’s addictive. Just like anxiety disorder where one has excessive worry over things and people. People need to learn how to cope before it’s too late

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 1:37 pm
– In reply to: Sylvia Wham

Wow, Didn’t know it was addictive… Very insightful.Thank you for dropping by Sylvia 😊😊

Mourrine Wambugureply
May 13, 2020 at 4:38 pm

This article has left me with tonnes of emotions right now. I can’t wait for part 2 now. I tend to believe depression comes in waves, one moment you have dealt with it, the next minute it all comes back. I feel you speak for most of us. Modern problems require modern solutions. Music does it for me. Can’t wait to know how your cousin treated hers.

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 5:07 pm
– In reply to: Mourrine Wambugu

Absolutely. It’s like homa. It will always come back. Coping mechanisms is what we need to learn. And yes, that part two is coming. ❤❤

Melissa 🌸reply
May 13, 2020 at 8:40 pm
– In reply to: Mourrine Wambugu

Daaamn!!! That article was so real, so deep. It may be my first time here but I’m definitely waiting for more insightful articles like this. Amazing piece Hope!

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 9:37 pm
– In reply to: Melissa 🌸

Make this your home we love guests who stay. Karibu. ❤

May 13, 2020 at 7:03 pm

Heey Princess Pwety Peng Ting… Nice piece.. waitin on that part two though..😊

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 13, 2020 at 7:38 pm
– In reply to: Elmard..

😂😂Sit tight it’s coming 😊

May 14, 2020 at 5:15 am

Whoa depressed and contemplating suicide at 16, that’s tough, this blog is like a diary so you get it off your chest which I am also hoping you’re not depressed now.

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 14, 2020 at 8:39 am
– In reply to: Engi_nerd

It never goes away. It will always come back . Sad but true. Only difference is now I know how to manage it. 😊😊

May 15, 2020 at 7:25 am
– In reply to: Hope Nyaruai

Real is what it is.Keep making us feel with your words.You’re a brilliant writer.

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 15, 2020 at 1:20 pm
– In reply to: Nyawira

Thank you sweetheart ❤

Martin Mosesreply
May 14, 2020 at 9:54 am

Took you long enough to get back. Never been happier. Keep them coming!

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 14, 2020 at 6:23 pm
– In reply to: Martin Moses

Thank you Martin 😊

Debra Bitokreply
May 17, 2020 at 5:29 pm

So sorry you had to struggle with depression at such a young age. ( Calling it struggling coz you were just 16)
Such a great piece!! ❤️
And it’s sad coz it always keep coming back.

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 21, 2020 at 8:52 am
– In reply to: Debra Bitok

Hey, there’s nothing to be sad about. It’s not a death sentence it’s just like any physical illness. You seek medical attention and bounce back. ❤❤

May 17, 2020 at 11:56 pm

Mental health is not an easy topic to discuss , I am glad you are breaking ground on it (in your charming quirky way😊). Keep us posted

Hope Nyaruaireply
May 19, 2020 at 9:52 pm
– In reply to: Joan

Charming and quirky 😂😂that’s a first. Thank you❤

June 26, 2020 at 7:51 pm

Hey Hope.

Hope Nyaruaireply
June 28, 2020 at 8:38 am
– In reply to: Josh

Hey Josh… Wish I could put a finger to which Josh though 😅

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