You go to church every Sunday but you’ve never seen this guy before. He’s
tall, dark, has a really cool haircut and a nice beard (like the one Larry
Madowo grew). He wears glasses, but not like the hideous reading glasses your
grandmother wears when she decides to torture the entire family with 37 minutes
of scripture from Proverbs. His look groovy, you’re especially in love with the
jungle green frame.
Back at home you can’t stop thinking about this guy. He’s the first thing
on your mind when you wake up and the last thing before you fall asleep and
start fighting zombies in your dreams. He’s on every damn page of the notebook
you’re supposed to be reading because you have exams coming up. You think to
yourself “What in the freaking world!” You’ve never crushed on a guy before.
Okay, you have, but they’re all famous boys on TV. Matter of fact, you still have
a huge crush on Avan Jogia and you low-key get excited every time Justin Bieber
is on TV.
This is different and shocking for you. You’re the type of girl who wants
to graduate, get a job and buy a house and a ridiculously expensive car before
you can even think of liking anyone. But here is the devil with his big fork
baiting you in church and you have fallen hook line and sinker.
You no longer go to church just because your mom forces you to. You now
love going to church. You even wake up early. Screw the alarm, you now have
your own biological clock for Sundays. Every decision you make that morning is
calculated, right down from what you wear. You go with the pink dress. He looks
like a pink guy, pink is definitely his favorite color. You’re an idiot, boys
don’t even like pink. But you know you look good in pink so to hell with the stereotypes.
It’s beautiful that you are now self-driven when it comes to attending
mass. Even your mom is surprised. Poor thing has no idea that while the priest
is delivering life altering sermons her daughter is busy making wedding
arrangements for her and a guy who doesn’t even know he is in a relationship and
is just about to get married.
During mass you wonder what his name is, you hope it’s not Zablon or
Bartholomew cause that would just be terrible. You have a bajillion questions.
Does he have a sexy voice like Jeff Koinange? Arsenal or Man U? Whatever, you
don’t even care. You’re on his team. Is he dating? Oh hell no! You want to
shoot your brain for even bringing that up. Those are bad, scary thoughts. So
you shut them out.
Over the Sundays, you gradually change your sitting position. You have
found yourself a spot close to where he normally sits. But you don’t want to be
too obvious. You know, like suddenly appear out of nowhere and squeeze yourself
next to him blatantly ignoring the empty bench right in front you. I really
hate it when people do that! Arrive late and shamelessly squeeze themselves in
the tiny spaces because they are too shy to walk to the unoccupied benches at
the front. Like seriously dude you look like Hulks big brother, you can’t fit
One day he almost sits next you but a woman with three kids beats him to
the spot. They fill the whole damn bench. Darn it! You can’t tell if that was the
devil’s sabotage or Jesus holding up a huge STOP sign. You love kids but these
ones… you wanted to eat them alive. They had just ruined your one chance at
happy ever after. Let’s not mention that you had put on a little more, okay, a
whole lot more perfume than usual because you were hoping he’d sit next to you.
What a waste!
Against your better judgment you tell your mom about your crush. As
expected, she gives you the talk, you know the one that makes you feel really
stupid? That one. She says things like you’re too young. Finish school first,
boys will waste your time, he’ll break your heart and blah blah blah… You ain’t
trying to hear none of that.
Change of plans. You turn to your best friend like everyone does when they
want a push in the wrong direction. She’s beyond thrilled that you finally have
crush on a guy. If you could read her mind she’d probably be saying something
like, “At least now we’re sure she’s straight.”
“Girl, you should talk to him.”
“Are you crazy?”
Your best friend must be out of her mind. She’s telling you, the very old
fashioned you, to make the first move? Yeah right. No way in hell you’re doing
that. But she’s very resilient. She suggests that maybe he’s too shy. And also
points out that there’s absolutely no way that the guy is not crushing on you.
“You’re gorgeous so unless he’s blind, he’s definitely into you.”
She had you at gorgeous. She’s gotten into your head. Suddenly you’re
remembering all these incidents that you hadn’t thought of before. Like you
could swear there’s a time you caught him staring at you through his really
cool glasses. Then there’s when he walked past you and he seemed really
nervous. Bam! Everyone acts nervous around their crush. What about when he sat
at the bench in front of you two consecutive Sundays. I’m pretty sure the word
for that is coincidence but hey what are the odds that he sat there on purpose
so that you’d notice him, right?
Eventually you talk yourself into talking to your crush. Plus Google says
the only way to find out if he is crushing on you is to talk to him. Thank God
for Google huh? We should all let Google raise our kids. You come up with a
plan, run lines in your head and even pick out an outfit. Yes you’re one of
those girls with ‘Good luck clothes.’
So that Sunday morning I wore my lucky clothes and had one last
conversation with myself. I knew it could only go two ways. Either he was going
to be thrilled that I made the first move or he was going to look at me and
think, “What mental hospital did you escape from?” Then I’d go home and lock
myself in my room for two weeks crying and scribbling men are trash on my
What’s that? You’re shocked that we’ve been talking about me all along?
Guess what! Me too. I still can’t believe that I actually talked myself into
doing something that ridiculous. So did I make the first move on my crush?
Well, maybe I chickened out and he’s still just a guy I see at church. Maybe I
did and now he’s my boyfriend or we broke up and he’s now my ex that I stalk on
Instagram. Who knows?
Yes, sorry my lovies but I’m going to make you wait for that ending or is
it the beginning of a new love story? I
don’t know. You’ll have to keep it Blunt with Nyaruai to find out. Plus I’ll
also be giving you tips on how to approach your crush and how to tell if he/she
likes you or if you’re just being delusional.
Don’t forget to share and most importantly leave a comment. Do you think girls should make the first move?
Stay safe my beautiful people!!!